Life For Rent
by SLynn
Summary: Inara POV on life as a companion and finding Serenity. Short. One chapter. No followups. Enjoy!


**Notes:**  I've done the impossible.  I've written an entire (albeit short) Firefly fanfic that DOES NOT have Wash in it.  Who'd of guessed it?  

Seriously, I've been told that I'm less then fair to Inara so I thought I'd try a piece just about her.  Needless to say I've grown more sympathetically fond of Inara the more I see of Firefly and writing this all I could think was that it must be lonely for her.  

Not a big fan of the songfic myself but this one seemed appropriate.  Song's by Dido.  Buy her albums.  Really, they're good.  

**Life for Rent by SLynn**

But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine

**"Life For Rent" by Dido**

Inara never imagined her life would be like this.

She was just a girl when out of hundreds of others she'd been picked to become a companion.  Her family had been proud.  It was an honor.  And she'd been proud even if, at the time, she didn't fully understand what it meant.

A companion was someone special.  Someone revered.

But companions didn't have families.

She had left hers at twelve.

Her mother, whose face now seems so distant, had cried.  Her father had barely said a word.  And her sister had been jealous.  Jessenia had been passed over for training two years earlier and could not forgive her for being accepted.  That was what Inara remembered most.  She had never even said goodbye to her.

Training had been difficult and at first she had been extremely homesick.  Homesick and lonely.  But eventually the feelings had subsided, never really leaving but becoming gradually less intrusive as weeks became months became years.  There was so much to learn and it left little time for such concerns.  

A companion's life was always about giving of yourself to others.  There was no recreation time.  Who needed it anyways?  Certainly not a companion.  Companions only needed to give.  And the more Inara understood that the more she felt that it truly was a blessed life.

In times of uncertainty, she was always provided for.  Wherever she went she was respected.  Her company sought after.  Inara was proud of who she was.  Her station in life was secure.

And then…

What?  She wasn't sure.  

She awoke one day and felt empty.  Used.  Her life, her entire life she'd given to others.  Her mind, her body, her soul.  

What did she have to show for it?

Friends?  Not really.  Companions rarely interacted with anyone outside their sect.  And even if they did it was mostly in an exchange of ideas, no real discussions about themselves.

Family?  No.  Her family was lost to her.  She hadn't seen them in nearly fifteen years.  No contact had been allowed until she had completed training and after that she hadn't been able to locate them.

A life?  Certainly not one of her own.  She kept her own schedule but was required to fill so many hours a week in support of her sect.  She hadn't yet gained the status to set her own hours.

Inara discovered something about herself that morning.  She discovered that she owned nothing in this world, not even herself.  And more importantly she discovered that those feelings of loneliness and that sense of longing, longing for a home, were still there.  There and stronger then ever, hungry for having slept so many years.

So she did the only thing she could.  She left.

Inara had never been certain of where she would go upon leaving the sect, or even if she'd be allowed, but she was determined and a determined Inara was not someone to be opposed.  

So she got her leave.

She would still be a licensed companion.  Still make monthly contributions to her sect, but she would be free to travel as she liked and how she chose too.

And Inara chose Serenity.

She new that Malcolm Reynolds only wanted her onboard as cover for his more colorful jobs.  And she also, after their first meeting no less, knew what he thought of her and her profession.  But she chose Serenity just the same.

Never quite certain why herself, she had just known it was her place.  From the moment she set foot on her.  As if being aboard Serenity was a calling in itself.  And now it was her home.  A real home.  And aboard it was her family.  The only real family she'd known.

She sat and thought about how she'd ended up here.  How lucky she'd been.  How she'd found her way here.  Home.  Finally home.  

And the more she thought the more she realized that no one ever really found serenity.  

Serenity found them.  

********

**"Life For Rent" by Dido**  
  
I haven't ever really found a place that I call home  
I never stick around quite long enough to make it  
I apologize that once again I'm not in love  
But it's not as if I mind   
that your heart ain't exactly breaking  
  
It's just a thought, only a thought  
  
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
  
I've always thought   
that I would love to live by the sea  
To travel the world alone   
and live more simply  
I have no idea what's happened to that dream  
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me  
  
It's just a thought, only a thought  
  
But if my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
  
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
  
While my heart is a shield and I won't let it down  
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try  
Well how can I say I'm alive  
  
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
  
If my life is for rent and I don't learn to buy  
Well I deserve nothing more than I get  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine  
Cos nothing I have is truly mine****


End file.
